Confuse?

もうわからないわ、いま。なぜいつもこんなの問題起こるの?気づいたわないね?私怒ったとき。がっかりですわ。ほんと。　

There's time that we will fight, didn't you realize there is also times when I'll get angry. You always use the excuse when something like that happen. ''Very sorry, don't trust me anymore, I'm not trustworthy'' or something like that. どのいみですか？ I don't really like that you know?  そんな!すごく嫌いこんなの言葉! 　

Enough of this type of matter. Let's put this kind of thing into a more general matter okay? You see, I'm not very sure of myself whether if I'm really a good person in reality or not. I always have the thought that whether is it really rational for me getting angry at such situation. When someone get angry when they're at fault, somehow, I'll back off. I do really wanna vent my anger out once in a while. Even if it's just once. Making people sad is just not me especially when it comes to this kind of matter. I'll try various way to change the person's thought on it and try making peace. But seems like now, I can't hold it anymore. The more I think of it, the more I feel ridiculous about it and why did it actually happen. Of course now, I'm trying my best to sort out each and every matter about it. I get really mad when someone doesn't realize I'm mad and kept joking around. And the worst part it, the density of ones' mind is really scary.  You're frustrated and at the same time you can't do anything about it cus' the fellow is innocent because she doesn't that she had made you gone mad. Ironic isn't it? We'll for me I've put trust on this person at the first place. No matter what, I'll try to think of the good stuff instead of the bad. Since I've trusted her, I wonder why should I hesitate? I wanna keep everything as it is but whether now I'm curious about what she thinks about it. I'm not really the type of person who will get very pissed off about something. So this time, it's really, infuriating. This is actually the only place I can pour out everything. I can't really speak it out to someone. It'll be really awkward and sometimes, my view of things might be really different. Not to mention, when I'm angry, I don't know what kind of scenario will occur.  But no matter how things go really bad between us, I'll always try my best to fix things up. I'll be tolerate, when she's wrong, I'll voice out to clear any misunderstanding.　くるしいけどでも大丈夫。いつでもあなたを信じているから